Your Vehicon Past - Episode 23 - Beast Machines: Battle for the Manhole

by TheOrange - 12.JUL.2002

Lost Episodes Reading Order < 28 >

Last time on the Lost Episodes...

<recap>

Benny: You know, for an omnipotent computer supposedly guiding the fate of the planet, you sure do seem rather bitch-ass unsure of yourself.

<cut>

Voice: So you have it, then? <Steps out from shadows, revealing self to be Silverbolt>

Thrust: Of course. <Opens package to reveal a deck of cards>

Silverbolt: Your deal or mine?

<cut>

Large body: ...yes... raw power... now i am resurrected.... with the ability to defend cybertron to the end! for i am now.... ACTION MASTER BAMT!

</recap>

And now back to the story.

Thrust: <tapping cards into his palm> You going to draw, or what?

Silverbolt: <shaking his head> Yeah. I was just thinking. You know, I'm not going to say that I don't enjoy this, because I do, but why do we never let NickBee in on this?

Thrust: You have to ask?

NickBee, in his old Vehicon Volkswagen form, is running around the "hills" of Cybertron in a daydream-like haze, laughing and rolling around on the hard metal ground.

Thrust: What are you doing? You lost or somethin'?

NickBee: <suddenly looking very solemn> I've been lost since the day I came online...

Tankorr: You, Jetstorm hold me, Tankorr!

</flashback>

Thrust: Besides, who would want to play cards with a traitor like him? Um, no offense.

Silverbolt: <glaring at Thrust> Yes, well... now that Tankorr's gone, wouldn't it be nicer if there were three of us again?

Thrust: Sure, it'd add more variety to a game that's meant for-- Wait... do you mean Tankorr or...?

The manhole cover rattles.

Silverbolt: Shh! Did you hear something? It came from the manhole. You don't suppose...?

Thrust: No. It couldn't be. <motions to the manhole> Open it.

Silverbolt: I'm not going to open it. YOU open it!

The pair move slowly towards the cover to flip it open, but before they get the chance it flies off and a familiar face pokes out of the manhole.

Silverbolt: NickBee! I can explain! This isn't what you--

NickBee: <to Thrust> Why *did* you never invite me to play cards? <to Silverbolt> And what the heck do you think you're doing here?

Thrust: Don't pay any attention to him, Jetstorm. <to NickBee> Go away, we're busy.

NickBee flies out of the manhole and he transforms in mid air.

NickBee: What was it? My hair? My skin tone? Tell me!

Thrust: Because we didn't like you! You weren't one of us! You never were!

NickBee: What do you mean?

Silverbolt: Look, I can see this is a bad time. Why don't I just--

NickBee: Whatever. If you don't deal me in I'm going to tell the Maximals you've switched sides again... "Jetstorm".

Silverbolt: <cautiously> Now there's no reason to--

Thrust: <lunging at NickBee> Spoil my game, will you! Will the universe NEVER grant any peace!?

NickBee: <via Intercom> Yo guys! This >CRACKLE< NickBee. I'm >GARBLE< manhole and >SNAP< Thrust and Silverbolt >CRACKLE< together trying to >FIZZ< coming your way...

Botanica: <picking up the communicator and speaking into it> NickBee? Hello! Say again!

The communicator only fizzles at her, then goes dead.

Botanica: This is not good.

NickBee: Claws off the hair, pal!

Thrust: I put my claws wherever I want until you give me back my cards!

The loud groan of straining metal is suddenly audible, but only for a moment.

Silverbolt: Wait, wasn't the manhole destroyed in Episode 19?

NickBee: Hey yeah... I thought it was blown up.

Thrust: So? I rebuilt it.

The makeshift surface around the Manhole starts to creak and strain. Silverbolt transforms and starts flapping his wings to lift himself off the ground. Before NickBee can follow suit, the ground gives way and he and Thrust are caught in a pile of old Vehicon drone parts and other assorted junk in the sewer below. Playing cards slowly waft down to greet them.

Silverbolt: I think this would be a good time to make a discreet exit...

As Silverbolt transforms and flies away, a haggard figure slowly rolls up to the remains and peers over the edge. NickBee gets one good look as before he goes into stasis lock.

NickBee: You...!

Pie Oven: Ding!

Cheetor: Oh boy!

Cheetor, grinning, slips on each of his brand new mittens and opens the oven. He pulls out the pie and places it on the ground, snarling as he turns into beast mode. Everyone watches, dumbfounded, as he devours the pie in mere seconds. Cheetor transforms again and gives everyone a thumbs-up. He's made a mess of the blueberry pie, but all of the stains and marks are on the mittens.

Cheetor: No fuss, no muss.

Silverbolt cautiously enters the tunnel to the Oracle cave and tiptoes in as stealthily as the talons on his feet will let him, looking around everywhere except right in front of him. He turns to see the rest of the Maximals glaring at him.

Silverbolt: I can explain! It's not what you think! Wait... what do you think it is?

Rattrap: We think a certain ex-Vehicon might be courtin' with disaster. There any truth to that?

Silverbolt: Don't be silly! We can discuss this calmly. Here, focus your anger on this Bonsai tree...

Blackarachnia cuts the tree off at the trunk with her fingers.

Cheetor: <putting a dirty mitten on Silverbolt's shoulder> Tell us you were just spying on the Vehicons, and we'll understand.

Disgusted by the new pie stain on his body, Silverbolt transforms so he can fly away, but Blackarachnia shoots a web in front of him and catches him. She transforms into Beast Mode and climbs up the walls, making sure the job is secure and done properly.

Blackarachnia: It's okay, Silverbolt. You can tell us. We don't want to hurt you.

Silverbolt: UNGH! <squirming in the webbing> I can see that...

Cheetor: <gesticulating with his mittens on> Optimus put me in charge while he stayed with the Megahead to figure out how to restore the sparks. So that means you answer to me until he gets back.

Rattrap: <wiping pie from his face> Ah, Geez, Spots. Could you take those mittens somewhere else?

Cheetor: Why? What's wrong with them?

Rattrap: They're filthy and covered with pie! You're making tracks all over the place. Maybe you should find somewhere to, I dunno, wash them or something.

Cheetor: Wash the Mittens of Leadership? Never!

Nightscream: Mittens of Leadership... right. Whatever you say, Hot Rod.

Cheetor: I AM NOT HOT ROD! <runs>

Rattrap: <shoots Nightscream> I believe you were about to explain yourself, Silverbolt?

Silverbolt: I... was at the Manhole of Doom...

Nightscream: <mumbling from the ground> ...wasn't that destroyed in Episode 19?

Rattrap shoots Nightscream again. Silverbolt looks at Blackarachnia. Her spider eyes seem to frown somehow.

Silverbolt: ...and I was... playing cards... with Thrust.

Blackarachnia: Oh no... Silverbolt...

Rattrap: <relieved> Oh, is that all?

Blackarachnia: <grabbing Silverbolt with her pincers> I thought we were beginning to trust each other.

Silverbolt: We were! I mean, we are! I mean--

Blackarachnia: No, it's okay. I understand. I'm not enough for you. You've already conquered me and brought me over, so now you're going after a new love toy. I can't compete with your Vehicon past. I guess there's only one thing left to do. <her eyes glow red> I'm going to have to kill Thrust.

Blackarachnia hops down from the web and leaves the cave.

Silverbolt: Did she say what I think she just said?

Rattrap: Must be that time of the lunar cycle.

Botanica hits Rattrap over the head with a garden hoe.

Rattrap: I mean, we'd better go after her!

Botanica raises the gardening tool again.

Rattrap: I! *I'd* better go after her.

Rattrap rubs his head and walks off. He turns back for a moment to look at Botanica. She smiles and waves at him with the hoe. Rattrap, still rubbing his head, turns away, transforms, and rolls out. Botanica feels Silverbolt looking at her. She just shrugs coyly. As walks away, Nightscream begins to regain consciousness.

Silverbolt: Kid. Kid!

Nightscream: What?

Silverbolt: <struggling> could you get me down from here?

Nightscream: <smiling to himself> Sure...

Rattrap: Yo Webs! Wait up!

Rattrap stops in front of Blackarachnia in his rat-like TransMetal vehicle mode and transforms. She only stops for a moment.

Blackarachnia: Out of my way. I'm kind of trying to find Thrust.

Rattrap: Did you check the Manhole of Doom?

Blackarachnia: But it was destroyed in Episode 19... never mind that! What do you want, Rattrap?

Rattrap: I, er, wanted to know how your nanites were getting along!

Blackarachnia: My what?

Rattrap: You know, the Jusenkyo virus. You been letting the it adapt to your Tarantulas half like the doctor ordered?

Blackarachnia: If by doctor you mean a short, persistent, pesky rodent, then... no. I don't like changing into Tarantulas. It's icky.

Rattrap: Aw, Webs! For bootin' up cold! You know what happened last time! Here, I have some warm water that I think might--

Blackarachnia: <knocking the vial away> Why is everyone so eager to protect me? I can handle myself just fine!

Rattrap: <somberly> He's that important to you, isn't he...

Blackarachnia: Look, before, back in the storm... it was a moment of weakness. I thought we were going to die. But even so, I felt...

Blackarachnia steps in closer and slides down to her knees. She sidles up to Rattrap, placing her head and hand on his robo-chest.

Rattrap: Webs... I...

Blackarachnia: Don't.

She moves as if she's about to kiss him, but before anything happens she jumps behind him, cupping her a hand over his face and another over his arms. She places her stingers at his sides.

Blackarachnia: <whispering> I appreciate everything you've tried to do for me. I'm sorry.

>ZAP!<

Silverbolt: I don't believe you. My lady love and that vermin?

Nightscream: You mean you haven't noticed the way he looks at her? Fine. Maybe you'll believe this.

Nightscream hands Silverbolt the script to Episode 14. Silverbolt's fist clenches, but his face does not betray his anger.

Nightscream: So what are you going to do about it?

Silverbolt: ...nothing. Let her do as she wishes. She's no longer my concern. <sighing> Now, if you'll excuse me... I feel like brooding.

Nightscream: Sweet! I'll make some popcorn!

Blackarachnia gingerly steps over the wreckage fallen into the sewer system, looking for the central point. Her foot slips, flipping up a large rock. It unstops a hot water valve and Blackarachnia is drenched in the warm liquid, turning her into Tarantulas.

Blackarachnia/Tarantulas: Oh... wonderful...

S/he peers over the center of the massive crater. She sees NickBee's upper body protruding from the rubble, surrounded by cards. Madly trying to pick up the cards is none other than Thrust.

Blackarachnia/Tarantulas: Thrust! You're mine!

Thrust: <surprised> You're Tarantulas!

Blackarachnia/Tarantulas: I guess I am. And I guess that means you're dead.

Before the S/he spider can attack, s/he is hit from behind by a large rock. Through the dust, Thrust can barely make out the figure of the haggard Transformer.

Haggard Figure: Go.

Thrust: You! But--

Haggard Figure: NOW!

Thrust: Ulp, okay! Thrust -- Overdrive!

The figure, leaving Blackarachnia behind, begins collecting the unconscious form of NickBee.

Primal stands in front of the spark chamber. T-Wrecks comes in like he's about to say something to Optimus, but stops when he sees him in meditation. Primal wears a look of consternation on his monkey face.

Primal: I don't know how I can save you all. There's too many. So much death. How do we overcome this? Truly this is our darkest hour. Who will bear the light? Who can?

T-Wrecks: Even though I have seen this many times before, I cannot pretend to understand it.

Primal: <getting up> There's not much to understand. I want to help these sparks return to this plane, but... I don't know how.

T-Wrecks: Perhaps they are beyond your help.

Optimus looks downcast, as if somewhere deep inside himself he believes the Dinobot's statement. T-Wrecks leaves and is almost run over by Cheetor, who comes racing into the spark chamber control room, making pie tracks as he goes.

Primal: <transforming into Robot Mode> Cheetor? What are you doing here? Is everything alright?

Cheetor: No, everything is not alright. Something really strange is going on, Big Bot.

Primal: <crossing arms and raising an eyebrow> Could you be more specific?

Cheetor: I don't know. Something about Silverbolt betraying us or something. I wasn't paying attention. They're in the cave right now.

Primal: The Oracle? Botanica might be in danger!

Cheetor: Her and everyone else.

Primal: Cheetor, I have to go.

Cheetor: Does that mean I'm in charge here?

Primal: Well, T-Wrecks and the Dinobots are... er... sure, whatever. But you have to listen to me. This is very important. You have to-- CHEETOR!

Cheetor stops playing with the knobs on the console next to him. The entire area around him is covered in purple pie stains.

Cheetor: WHA-AT?

Primal: Don't let ANYONE inside but me or the other Maximals, understand?

Cheetor: Sure thing, Big Bot!

Optimus turns to leave, hollering on his way out.

Primal: And clean up that mess!

Cheetor looks at his mittens and around him. He transforms into Robot Mode and takes the mittens off. He starts searching around the control room for something useful. He stops when he comes across an apparatus labeled "The Mittens of Leadership Washing Machine", which has two indentations perfectly fitted to the mittens. Above the indentations is a two-part set of instructions.

Cheetor: "Now light our darkest hour?" Whatever...

Cheetor puts the mittens into the apparatus and pushes the big red button. He reverts to Beast Mode and starts chasing his tail, so it's understandable that he doesn't notice when apparatus starts to glow a bright white. When it gets brighter Cheetor finally pauses long enough to look at it, but only in time to see the apparatus explode.

A dryer starts spinning and suddenly pops open. It's full of white socks.

Liz: That was weird...

Geever: Dude, you hear something?

Crawley: Hear what?

After a brief rumbling, the lid off of a nearby manhole flies off, followed by an innumerable amount of socks, spewing the contents out for a few seconds like a geyser.

Geever: Hey! These are my Spiderman socks! I lost these when I was eight.

Crawley: This is either really cool or really, really scary...

Cheetor: <coming out from under a mountain of socks> Whoops.

Primal, in a passionate frenzy, flies deep beneath the surface of Cybertron. He almost misses NickBee, who is propped up against the cavern wall.

NickBee: <mumbling to himself> Look, I've been stranded here for a long time. Of *course* I know where I'm going, Bozo! What? How the heck am I supposed to know when his birthday is?

Primal: NickBee! Snap out of it!

NickBee: <suddenly awake> Prime!

Primal: You mean Primal.

NickBee: That's what I said. ...wait, where am I? Last I remember I was at at the Manhole of Doom and--

Primal: Wasn't that destroyed in Episode 19?

NickBee: Yeah, but Thrust rebuilt it, you see, and--

Primal: <turning on his jets> Well, I'm glad you're okay, anyway. I've got to be going...

NickBee: Wait! You have to warn them! I don't think I can stop it.

Primal: There's no time for that!

NickBee: What are you talking about? Megatron's gone. We have the sparks. We have all the time in the world!

Primal: Sorry. Force of habit. <tries to leave again> If it's about Silverbolt, I already know.

NickBee: No! Something. Worse.

Primal: <stopping in mid-air> But I have to find, I mean, I... <holding up a finger> Hold that thought...

Optimus flies off, leaving a still somewhat damaged NickBee propped up against the side of the cavern. A single red eye watches from the shadows. After a moment it blinks and is gone.

Botanica is busy tending the plants, polishing technorganic leaves, and wiping down glass-like stalks, all the while humming gleefully to herself. Optimus comes up behind her and watches for a long moment. He rakes a monkey paw over his head to smooth down his fur.

Primal: <to himself> Just remember what Cheetor told you in episode 20. You're a hot monkey stud.

Optimus quietly transforms. In his far hipper and infinitely more swank Robot Mode, he approaches Botanica slowly from behind. Too slowly.

Botanica: <sensing someone sneaking up on her> Who goes there?!

Botanica quickly transforms and zaps her stalker. Optimus goes flying across the courtyard, reverting back into beast mode automatically. Botanica's face drops and she returns to her alternate mode.

Botanica: Oh! Optimus! I didn't realize! Let me help you up! I'm so sorry!

Primal doesn't stop Botanica from putting [all four] of her hands on him.

Primal: I'll overlook it... this time...

Botanica: Is there something you wanted?

Primal: <turning away> It's nothing... <turning back> It's just that... it's just you... so pretty... me... so... lonely, that is to say, I like your stems... I mean... Buddha Buddha Buddha!

Botanica: <smiling sorrowfully> That's sweet of you to say, Optimus, but... <pauses> I love another.

Primal: <sadly> I see. Is it because I look like Laurence Fishburne?

Botanica: Oh! No, Optimus Primal! I happen to like Laurence Fishburne! It's just--

Rattrap: <via intercom> Yo! Home base! Is anyone online over there?

Botanica waits a few moments before activating her communications device, and just stares sympathetically at Optimus. They turn away from each other as she responds to the signal.

Botanica: What is it, Rattrap? Did you find Blackarachnia?

Rattrap: <via intercom> Did I *find* her? That two-bodied, sucker punching ex-Predacon! She clocked me and went off to do Primus-knows-what to Thrust over at the Manhole of Doom!

Botanica: But wasn't it destroyed in Episode 19?

Rattrap: <via intercom> You'd better get bird boy down here pronto. I think the Jusenkyo virus is starting to warp her motherboard, if you know what I mean. There's no telling what she might do in this state.

Botanica: Right away. Thank you, Rattrap. <shuts off communicator> If you'll excuse me, Optimus Primal.

Severely disappointed, Optimus climbs up a pillar to the walkway. He sees a large box with an Autobot symbol on one face and a screen on the other laying in front of the Oracle. He picks it up.

Primal: What's this? It looks like it's broken. Who left this here?

The Oracle: You're so naive, Primal-chan.

Botanica and NickBee stare at Nightscream watering several rows of Bonsai.

NickBee: TALK to Nightscream? I'm all for helping out my fellow man, er, bot... but this is where I draw the line!

Botanica: Do you want to help Silverbolt or not? You're the only one of us who can out-brood him!

NickBee: Fine. <to Nightscream> What the hell are you doing?

Nightscream: Silverbolt told me to water his bonsai for him. Don't worry, he's not coming back. I told him about Rattrap.

NickBee sees the script to Episode 14 soaking wet on the ground next to the bonsai. NickBee grabs the hose from Nightscream and sprays him with it.

NickBee: You idiot! Do you have any idea what you've done? <to himself> Dammit, I have to find him before he does something ELSE incredibly stupid.

Silverbolt: <crying into a bowl of popcorn> MewTwo... brother... our pain is one and the same. <eats a handful of vittles>

NickBee: Oh, you think you've got it so tough, don't you, big guy?

Silverbolt: <hoarding the popcorn> Don't you have any manners?

NickBee: Don't you have something better to do? Like go after your chicky-boo?

Silverbolt: If you could only know my pain, the terrible things I did at the hands of Megatron... <the image of Misty holding an orange again flashes across Silverbolt's mind> ... for someone like me to be made into something like that. I can't deny what I am...

NickBee wastes no time transforming, extending one lethal mandible, and holding in within mere centimeters of Silverbolt's vital systems.

NickBee: YOU have no room to talk! YOU know what you were like before! YOU had something to go back to! And what do you do? You waste it! My god, if I had a sweet thing like Blackarachnia... well, I did, but that was a long story, and it was only done to sell records... NO! Don't you see? You know the truth! All of my memories, all of my thoughts, everything I think I know about myself is a lie! You think you've had it tough? At least you know WHO YOU ARE!

NickBee slumps back on the floor and buries his head in his knees. Silverbolt blinks as several kernels of popped corn fall out of his mouth, perhaps from the shock of NickBee putting together a coherent thought that lasted for almost a minute.

NickBee: Am I original? I have to ask myself every day. If I were in your position, then I'd know what I'd do, and I wouldn't hesitate for a moment to do it. Think about that.

Silverbolt thinks. He grabs another handful of popcorn and thinks really hard.

NickBee watches Silverbolt transform into Beast Mode and fly away with a bird-like cry.

Botanica: Did it work?

NickBee: Did what work?

Botanica: <pats NickBee on shoulder> Good job.

Alternatively, Blackarachnia douses herself with hot and cold water hoses, exposed and leaking as a result of the manhole's collapse. Cold, he loves me -- Hot, he loves me not. If only...

At that moment, as if to answer her wish, Silverbolt comes swooping in, his arrival foretold by his fowl cry (no laughter, please, this is the serious part). Blackarachnia forgets to use cold water on herself again. She watches Silverbolt transform. They remain a few paces apart.

Silverbolt: Blackarachnia, I--

Blackarachnia/Tarantulas: No, Silverbolt, let me. I've said and done some things I shouldn't have. We -- I -- spent so much time trying to recover you from Thrust...

Silverbolt: Jetstorm.

BA/T: Whatever. I lost hope. I gave up. I gave up on you, on us... I don't know if you can ever forgive me, but I do know I can't keep going on like this. It hurts too much.

Silverbolt: No. It is I who should be seeking your forgiveness. I pushed you away. I believed I was testing you, but in truth I was only testing myself. <droops noticeably> So you see, I'm not just merely a coward, but a chicken as well.

BA/T: Condor.

Silverbolt: Whatever. The point is... I am sorry for acting like--

BA/T: Like yourself? <sizes him up> Hmmm... if would seem you've finally gotten some sense knocked into you, eHEhEHeheh...

Silverbolt: It took a glorious golden angel threatening my very spark before I could see the light.

BA/T: You're not talking about who I think you're talking about, heh... are you?

Silverbolt begins to move in to embrace him/her, but s/he steps back.

BA/T: Now that you've exorcised your, hehEheEHe, demons... I have a few of my own. <looks down at herself> As you can see, I've changed a bit. Do you still love me, HehEhe, even though I look like this?

Silverbolt: It does not matter what you look like... it is your *spark* that I love.

BA/T: Flatterer...

Silverbolt: I promise, I will never leave your side again.

Blackarachnia/Tarantulas: Oh, Silverbolt... ehHehEHeHhEhEh...

They kiss. Passionately. A lot. Neither one sees Thrust rolling along in the background, followed closely by a large, hulking figure.

Thrust examines a manhole, and decides that it's to his liking.

Thrust: I hereby dub this "The Manhole of Doom II". <sighing> I guess you can never go back. I guess you can only go forward.

Familiar Gruff Voice: More true than you think.

Thrust: <whipping around> Tankorr!?!?

>Obviously not The End

* * *

Tales of Cybertron, Part 7

In the middle of a swathe of destroyed buildings and ruptured walkways, the camera zooms in on a vaguely Anime-esque Giant Robot figure and his robotified partner. A large, crudely drawn Dinobot symbol adorns the ground before them -- what's left of it. The large robot scrawls the words "Megatron Lives" in the common Cybertronian language over the Dinobot symbol.

Benny: We've been at this for hours, man! Could your newly rebuilt punk ass take a little break and remind me again how is this going to help us find the Last Autobot?

Action Master Bamt: .....the last autobot is not my concern.........my only concern is to purge this planet of the kiddies...........cybertron must be free of both maximals and vehicons if it is to be pure again.........

Benny: Great, bitch, so how exactly are you going to go about that?

Action Master Bamt: .........................................................i have no idea.........

Benny: Well that's just fan-freakin'-tastic! I got shot with that freakin' key thing, almost went nuts carrying your bitch-ass spark around and built you that new body. And this is the thanks I get? You have "no freakin' idea", you Gekigengar mutherfu--

Action Master Bamt: ........the kiddies must be on to something............we have to stop them before they uncover the truth and destroy everything........

Benny: Bitch, don't ignore me! I'm Benny! I've got FIVE KIDS TO FEED!

Action Master Bamt: YOUR NAME ISNT BENNY YOUR A FAKE AND A FRAUD!!!!!111 ........you aren't from mars.... you aren't a mutant.... you don't even know how to drive a cab.

Benny: Bitch, I got my license here somewhere!

Action Master Bamt: thats just a stupid prop..........your just a stupid actor with no career to go back to.... thats why you came to me.......kiddie.........i give you purpose human........if you go you will be purged from this planet........with the rest of the kiddies........

Benny: Just try it, you Grandizer-looking punk-ass bitch! I don't need this and I don't need you! I'm flyin' solo from now on!

Benny, draped in Tankorr and cycle drone parts, clomps slowly off into the distance.

Action Master Bamt: ......are you gone yet kiddie.......

Benny: Man, kiss my binary bonded ass! I'm goin' as fast as I can!

Geever: Now's our chance.

Crawley: Our chance for what? To nearly get killed again?

Geever: That robot is our only way to get home! That Benny critter built him out of our escape vessel, after all!

Crawley: We could always find another ship, man. Let it go! I'm sure there are other plot devices laying around this barren husk.

Geever: I feel like we're on borrowed time as it is, and...

Before Geever can finish his thought, the embankment the duo is perched on suddenly gives way and he and Crawley tumble down to ground level. Bamt sees them immediately.

Geever: Ah shit, RUN!

Crawley: Why do I get the feeling that this is karma?