The Penultimate Doom - Episode 25 - Beast Machines: Battle for the Manhole

by TheOrange - 17.APR.2004

Lost Episodes Reading Order < 30 >

Last time on the Lost Episodes...

<recap>

Tankorr?: It... good... to see Thrust again...

<cut>

The Oracle: You were wonderful, Mr. P...

<cut>

NickBee: Cripes! A talking Lego!

<cut>

Thrust: Whatever you want, Megatron, you can just forget it! I'm starting to remember it all now, how you used to me to create all... THIS. It's never going to happen again! I'm putting my wheel down!

Megatron: <laughing> Oh, my dear Waspinator, I'm not giving you a choice!

<cut>

Obsidian: Cybertron needs a new leader.

Obsidian and Stryka: <to T-Wrecks> What are your orders, Sire?

T-Wrecks: Hn.

</recap>

And now back to our story...

Obsidian: You were the one who bested our former lord in battle, therefore it is only fitting that you should be the one to lead.

Stryka: Command us, Liege.

T-Wrecks: Very well -- I relinquish you of your responsibility, and your lives!

Cheetor emerges from a mountain of socks.

Cheetor: VEHICONS!

He transforms into cat mode and pounces on Stryka, socks flying off of him and attaching themselves to the two generals.

Silverbolt: Out of the way, Hot Rod!

Cheetor: I AM NOT HOT ROD!

T-Wrecks: The whelp's interference is of no consequence!

T-Wrecks makes a lunge for Obsidian, but a web snags the sword near the tip and the mark goes astray -- piercing Obsidian's shoulder instead of his laser core -- and embeds itself into the control panel behind.

T-Wrecks: Why did you stay my hand? These foul creatures deserve nothing less than death for their dishonor!

Obsidian: <gasping> Nnngh, I'm not surprised you think so, my liege, but what if I told you that your comrades may yet live?

T-Wreck's angered expression subtly falls.

<Outside, Megatron's Self-Aggrandizing Pinnacle of Predacon Virtue>

Megatron stands atop the highest point of the Citadel spire looking across Cybertropolis. Off in the distance is his former head floating serenely above the skyline. He smirks with a deep-throated chuckle, and then transforms into a jet and flies off.

Skir Drone: Is this showmanship wise, "sire?"

Megatron transforms back into his robot form and floats in the air in front of the drone, who is holding a spanner from last-minute adjustments. The drone momentarily fixates upon the spark trapped in Megatron's chest, like a trophy in a display case.

Megatron: Perhaps you do not understand the elegance of my master plan, Drone.

Skir Drone: And was losing your "head" part of this master plan?

Megatron: It appears as if I have been lying low much of this season, however in reality I was creating intricate plot points that I knew the Maximals would be unable to leave dangling, thus allowing me to finish my plans unimpeded, THUS allowing me to succeed where even my namesake had failed many times over! Once my generals have retrieved what I sent them for, not even Phil Bond will be able to threaten my ascent to greatness! Yeeeessssss....

The drone throws his spanner at Megatron. The tool harmlessly bounces off his metallic hide and plummets quickly to the planet's surface far below.

Skir Drone: You IDIOT! You still don't get it, do you!?? Your greatest enemy isn't some wayward Maximal who can barely keep his head out of his own exhaust shaft!

Bathing in a pool of technorganic goo.

Primal: Revitalizes AND moisturizes even the most damaged fur!

<Cybertron, the Citadel>

Skir Drone: Nor is it an entirely impotent human who never had any reason to impede your "greatness."

<2002 -- Earth, a dimension or two removed>

Inside another Megatron's lair, under the watchful eye of Sky-Byte.

Phil Bond: Stupid scene cut...

<Cybertron, the Citadel>

Skir Drone: Who suggested that you use the sparks of Primal's friends, knowing full well that they would eventually defect? Who put the fear of Phil Bond in you and brought him to Cybertron to face you? Who had you foolishly send much of your forces to Earth so that the Maximals would have an easier time infiltrating the Citadel? Who separated Theodore into another body knowing that he'd seek revenge and stop you where the Maximals couldn't?

Megatron: Bob Skir?

Skir Drone: Robert N. GODDAMN Skir!

Megatron says nothing. The first drone's erstwhile companion flies up to the quarreling pair to see what all the commotion is about.

Skir Drone: Your quest? This mad press for power? I have followed you every step of the way and sabotaged your greatest plans. *I* am your greatest liability. *I* am your greatest foe. There is no way I will let you destroy everything I have worked for! I faked my loyalty and allegiance, I even faked a stupid British accent for much of the time. But no more! There's only one thing left for me to do...

The drone flies away in a moment of finality, but hesitates for a moment and turns back.

Skir Drone: Oh, and when I was working for Tankor(r), I was faking that, too!

The Marty Isenberg Drone covers his spherical face with a clawed arm-hand and snickers.

Skir Drone: Shut up, Marty!

The drone flies off.

Megatron: This changes nothing.

Isenberg Drone: But sire...

Megatron: NOTHING! I have big plans for him. Yeeesssss...

The camera zooms in on the spark trapped within Megatron's chest...

... and pulls away from a pixel in a glowing view screen, revealing the face of T-Wrecks.

T-Wrecks: <via view-screen> I do not trust them.

Primal: You must have doubts, otherwise I'm sure they'd have been deactivated by now. Let commune with the Oracle...

T-Wrecks: <via view-screen> Assuming you can even understand the answers your "Oracle" gives you!

Primal: Well, her message is all too clear these days...

The Oracle: Hold me, Optimus Primal!

Primal: I know this is only a flashback, but I'm pretty sure you're serious!

</flashback>

T-Wrecks: <via view-screen> Unacceptable! Megatron would reach beyond the grave itself to destroy us all if he could! this flying tomb will not move one micro-bleem!

Primal: What if we discover they could be saved? What if there are still other survivors?

T-Wrecks: <via view-screen> There are no survivors. We are the living dead. All of us are corpses. I have made peace with my actions, Optimus Primal. I do not seek your forgiveness.

Primal: Do you seek theirs?

T-Wrecks's eyes become totally unseen beneath his bonelike mask.

T-Wrecks: <via view-screen> Do what you must, Optimus Primal, and I will do the same. We will be under complete communications blackout until further notice.

Primal: Wrecks, stop!

The image goes blank. Optimus pinches the bridge of his Laurence-Fishbourne-eqsue nose in frustration.

Primal: <to Botanica> Do I have to?

Botanica: Yes! You're the only one who can make that Oracle thingy make any sense!

Primal: <sigh> Okay. Just hold on a nano-click while I have a nervous breakdown.

Optimus walks into the room confidently and purposefully, but takes a noticeable step back when the Oracle view screen flares to life.

The Oracle: Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. P! I was so indecent before! It'll never happen again!

Primal: Uh, yeah, okay. This is kind of awkward for me too. Let's just get through it, okay?

The Oracle: Okay, Mr. P. One reunion coming up!

Reality warps around Optimus Primal.

Stryka tends to Obsidian's wound as they both wait patiently. Rattrap examines the two devices before him which had masked the intruding Vehicons' energy signatures as Maximal ones.

Rattrap: I should have known this plot device was going to bite us in the exhaust shaft one day...

T-Wrecks: <exiting the "bridge"> After conferring with Primal, I promise their deaths will be swift and merciful.

Obsidian: I see. You still don't believe us. We suspected as much. You may scan the body if you wish. The telltale signs of his deactivated spark should still be evident.

T-Wrecks: This proves NOTHING! When we took back the sparks, we thought Megatron destroyed. Now you admit that he survived, but that you destroyed him yourself? What if he just inhabited another body?

Rattrap: What, like another diagnostic drone body, devolving into a lame Three Stooges gag?

Everyone shudders at the thought. A blinking red light and corresponding beep snaps everyone out of it.

Airraptor: Did you see that?

T-Wrecks: Report!

Striker: There was another energy signature here -- very faint. It appeared to be Maximal.

Silverbolt: Someone else is here? <to Obsidian> Did you bring Megatron here to finish us off, you scum?

Obsidian: Tut tut, Jetstorm. Such a tone does not befit one of Megatron's former generals. Would you like to hear what we did to your room in your absence?

Silverbolt: No! Not my Pokémon posters!

Silverbolt trembles with rage, but Blackarachnia places her hand on his arm to calm him. The beeping begins anew and the two investigating Dinobots stop near the couple.

Airraptor: No mistake about it. It's very faint, but it's coming from Blackarachnia!

Rattrap: No surprise there, genius -- she's a Maximal.

Striker: You misunderstand. We're reading her vital signs loud and clear. In fact, at this resolution they're almost drowning out the other one.

Blackarachnia: What "other" one? What are you talking about?

Airraptor: It's very faint, but we're reading two separate, distinct energy signatures from Blackarachnia!

The attention taken off of them for the moment, Stryka manages a whisper to Obsidian.

Stryka: So it's true...

Primal is engaged with Rhinox's disembodied spark in a card game at the ghost of the Manhole of Doom.

Rhinox: This is nice and all, but I don't think you came here to reminisce about old times, Optimus.

Primal: You're right, Rhinox, I'm sorry. You're sure you haven't seen them?

Rhinox: Look, I just spend my time here feeling sorry for myself. I don't really pay too much attention to who comes and who goes.

Rhinox and Mr. Bamt are playing cards at the ghost of the Manhole of Doom. Suddenly Mr. Bamt's non-corporeal form begins to fade, and the ethereal cards fall from his "hands" (or what passes for them).

Mr. Bamt: looks like im going back to the land of the living..........so long........kiddie.......................

</flashback>

Rhinox: Hey, while we're having so much fun, how's about getting me out of here? Is it too much trouble to make me a new body and retrieve my spark, like *somebody* did for you in the past?

Primal: <raising an eyebrow> Didn't you tell me last season that you wanted to stay dead?

Rhinox: Well, I've had a lot of time to think about it.

Primal: Oh, hey, look at the time! I have a date with, er, Botanica!

Rhinox: Fine, be a jerk!

Optimus returns from his trance-like state.

Primal: Well, that was a bust.

The Oracle: I'm sorry, Mr. P. Is there anything I can do to help?

Primal: Did you see two Dinobots pass this way?

The Oracle: Uhhh... The true answers lie in your heart, Optimus Primal.

Primal: Say what?

The Oracle: The seed of your manhood lies buried in my pants?

Gruff Old Guy Voice: For the sake of Primus, woman, can't you give the boy a straight answer?

A shaft of light emerges from the Oracle view screen, and the holographic form of an ancient Autobot, who long ago sacrificed his own life so that five others might live, forms before Optimus.

The Oracle: Darling! What are you doing here? This isn't what it looks like -- Mr. P and I are just good friends!

Gruff Old Guy Voice: Whatever you say, you crazy old dingbat. <to Optimus> I'm sorry she's been causing you so much trouble, Optimus Primal. I should know better by now than to let my secretary handle affairs.

Primal: Who are you?

Gruff Old Guy Voice: Oh, I've had several names over the millennia, but I think I like "Alpha Trion" the best. Now, if you'll follow me, boy, I'd like to share with you the answers you've been seeking.

Another beam of light emits from the view screen, and Optimus and the apparition disappear into it.

Alpha Trion: I'm sure by now you're wondering why I've arranged for you to have these technorganic bodies.

Primal: But The Oracle--

Alpha Trion: --is a meddling busybody who insisted she could handle this whole "Rebirth" shtick. It's obvious she's lost her objectivity. Ever since the Great Upgrade...

Primal: You were responsible for that, too?

Alpha Trion: Optimus Primal, nothing happens that Vector Sigma does not wish to happen. All Cybetronian life has been bound to it since the beginning. Now it is time for our race to take the next step in its development. These new technorganic bodies of yours have a very interesting new ability...

Silverbolt looks on worriedly as Rattrap examines Blackarachnia in the megahead's makeshift infirmary.

Silverbolt: Is she going be okay? Tell me it's just a bad case of scraplets!

Rattrap: I'm afraid it's a little more involved than that, Bird Boy. She's pregnant.

Silverbolt: Pregnant! How long with this ailment afflict her?

Rattrap: As long as it takes for the baby to come.

Blackarachnia: BABY!?

Silverbolt: "Baby?"

Stryka and Obsidian: Baby...

T-Wrecks: By the Divine Weld!

Striker: You old scallywag! Congratulations, Dad!

Silverbolt: I don't get it.

Primal: Blackarachnia? But she was a Predacon once!

Alpha Trion: Maximal, Predacon, it doesn't matter! Like the Autobots and Decepticons before you, Maximals and Predacons as we know them will soon go the way of the Plasma Energy Chamber, Oracles, and old fossils like me. Our time will soon be over, Optimus Primal, and you will have to choose your own path.

Primal: I don't understand...

Alpha Trion: Child, you might share the name of one of the greatest leaders of our people, but you have a brain case of double-density titanium alloy.

Rattrap: It's technorganic, alright, but without further testing I can't tell what traits it's received from the father...

Silverbolt: Don't bother, I can tell you. Maybe it has pointy ears and whiskers. Or perhaps a scaly red hide.

Blackarachnia: What's the matter with you, bird brain?! I thought we were done with this nonsense!

Silverbolt: Apparently you weren't!

T-Wrecks: I cannot let this assault upon my honor and that of Lady Blackarachnia go unchallenged! Prepare yourself for death, fool!

Striker: If I may, this might not be the best place to settle the matter... <indicates the spark chamber>

T-Wrecks: Fine -- we're taking this outside.

Silverbolt: FINE.

Optimus and Alpha Trion travel through the halls of Cybertronian history, passing great leaders past. As they walk they approach a great void.

Primal: We did what we could to reclaim the sparks from Megatron but he's the only one with the technology to restore them to new bodies. He's done it to himself before, and I know he's still out there somewhere.

Alpha Trion: Your intentions are noble, Optimus, but they are misguided. The butchered souls of this world are now nothing more than ghosts.

Primal: Are you saying that there's nothing you can do to save them? Is not Primus, the AllSpark, this "Vector Sigma" powerful enough to restore their lives?

Alpha Trion: It's not that it's beyond Vector Sigma's power, Optimus. It's that it would trump the choice that these sparks have made freely.

Primal looks pensive. Alpha Trion gives a knowing smile.

Alpha Trion: Hm. Truly this is our darkest hour, wouldn't you say, Optimus? Maximal and Predacon alike nearly wiped out except for a few hangers on, the rest of our people scattered throughout the galaxy without leadership or purpose. And what of the Matrix, hm?

Primal: I... have wondered about that myself. The Council of Elders should have been keeping it. Perhaps it is in Megatron's possession and that is how he's been able to do all of this!

Alpha Trion: <smirking> Oh, I assure you, it's quite safe.

Primal: Then you know where it is?

Alpha Trion stops and turns face Optimus, and points directly at the Maximal's chest.

Stryka and Obsidian stand between the Maximal and Dinobot ready to fight. Blackarachnia transforms and dives off the rooftop in disgust.

Obsidian: How did we end up refereeing this?

Stryka: It doesn't matter. Let's grab her while we're distracted.

Obsidian drops the flag, and the two begin to fight. Silverbolt tries to keep his distance, but T-Wrecks closes in fast and lands the first blow.

Rattrap: Yo hotheads! I think we have bigger problems! The turncoats are missing!

Airraptor: And so is Blackarachnia!

T-Wrecks: My Lady!

T-Wrecks grabs Cheetor, who is playing in a mountain of socks, and mounts him like an anemic steed.

Silverbolt: <dazed> Come back and fight, you giant red chicken!

T-Wrecks kicks Silverbolt in the head.

T-Wrecks: Ride, Cheetor, for the sake of the Fair Arachnid!

Cheetor: I AM NOT-- er, okay! <runs>

Blackarachnia swings along between buildings Spiderman style, dodging the fire from the generals closing in behind her. As she turns to look, she notices her line go slack, and she careens into the side of a building. Before she loses consciousness she gazes into the face of...

Megatron: Yessss... at last, the bargaining chip I have been waiting for.

Primal: It can't be! I won't accept it!

Alpha Trion: Oh my yes. Retroactive continuity a strange matter indeed.

Primal: I'm no great leader! I'm just the starship captain of a wayward scientific crew.

Alpha Trion: Vector Sigma has been aware of you ever since you protected the spark of the great Optimus Prime all those eons ago. Time is no boundary for the will of Primus, child. Trust me when I say you were bred for this destiny and no other. Only you could have kept Megatron at bay this long. Only you can stop him.

Primal: He's been trying to kill us ever since the Beast Wars began! He's been trying to kill me.

Alpha Trion: But recently he has learned what you are. He destroyed an entire planet -- why should a ragtag band of Maximals be any different? He's not trying to destroy you, he's trying to possess you! Ever since you corrected time itself with your noble sacrifice you have been a conduit for the will of Primus himself! You are, in essence, a Living Matrix!

Cheetor, out of breath, limps on to the scene with T-Wrecks still riding on his back. Cheetor collapses and T-Wrecks dismounts and inspects the damage of the nearby buildings. Mere seconds before he is shot from behind, he pulls out his sword to deflect the blasts.

T-Wrecks: The turncoats have revealed themselves. Return to the ship, Cheetor, and warn the others!

As he watches Cheetor run off, T-Wrecks narrowly avoids being run over by Stryka. Certain that both turncoats are in his sight, he does not watch out for the third attacker. He barely registers the first blast that shears his right "wing" from his body, and moves too slowly to avoid his sword from being snapped in half in the grip of an abnormally large hand. The broken-off blade is thrust into his side just as he jams the hilt into his attacker's forearm. Megatron cries out in pain, but T-Wrecks only grunts in satisfaction.

Airraptor: What the hell happened? Where did everyone go?

Striker and Airraptor see an image of a Maximal on the screen waving at them.

Striker: Is that Cheetor? He seems... dirtier than usual.

Airraptor: We'll have to bring him aboard. We're still under communications blackout.

The figure steps on to the transport sled and passes effortlessly through the ship's shields.

Striker: Didn't you just send the sled for Cheetor?

Airraptor: Yeah, he should be aboard already, why?

They both look at their view screens. An image of Cheetor waves his arms wildly.

Striker: What the f--

His sentence is cut off along with his head. Airraptor turns in time to see a pair of burning amber eyes before he too is deactivated. A shadowed figure moves out into the spark chamber control room, and pushes the button labeled "Do Not Push This Button Under Any Circumstances". Red sirens begin to blare, and the sparks inside the containment chamber being to swirl around wildly.

Cheetor watches helplessly as the headship, uncontrolled, scrapes into a building, toppling it over and crushing several others in its path. He spies a single escape pod fire out the side of the ship

Cheetor: No...

Racing towards the crashed pod, he discovers it has already opened.

Cheetor: Hello?

His response comes in the form of a sword protruding from his robotic belly, surrounded by severed servos, power conduits, and mech fluid.

Evil Cheetor Clone: Hello.

Primal: It can't be...

Alpha Trion: You are the only one with the power to reshape this world, Optimus Primal. If Megatron has his way, it will be remade in his image. But ultimately the destiny of all Transformers everywhere lies with you. What will your choice be?

Before Optimus can answer, the image of Cheetor appears before him. Even Alpha Trion seems startled by the apparition.

Cheetor: Optimus... help us... come back.

Primal: Hot Rod?

Cheetor: I am not... >cough< Hot Rod...

The apparition disappears.

Primal: CHEETOR!

Primal feels a plant-like hand on his shoulder.

Optimus is suddenly wrenched from his meditation. He rises from his prostrate position to see the worried look on Botanica's face.

Botanica: Optimus... something terrible has happened...

The Megahead ship continues its quick descent to the surface of Cybertron, leaving a swathe of destruction in its wake. It finally settles violently, sending an earthquake-like ripple across the whole cityscape. Through tears of metal in the ship's vast hull, sparks fly out, finally free, and swirl like a tornado around the site.

T-Wrecks pulls the sword shard from his side and licks the mech fluid from its edge. Megatron watches disapprovingly.

Megatron: I don't have time for this...

From behind, we see parts of T-Wrecks explode in a display of metal, plastic and burned dinosaur bits. Obsidian hovers over his incapacitated form and removes the Dinobot's mask, throwing it aside with the rest of his damaged parts.

Off in the distance, Megatron finally sees the fate of the sparks he worked to hard to collect.

Evil Cheetor Clone: That felt... good.

The Evil Cheetor Clone stands over the fallen body of his counterpart.

Evil Cheetor Clone: Okay, who's next?

>To Be Concluded! Don't miss the final spectacular episode of Beast Machines: The Lost Episodes!

* * *

Tales of Cybertron, Part 9

NickBee, carrying the Kup AI Box under one arm, emerges from the badly damaged BumbleDrone. He tries to close the door, but it just falls off instead. NickBee pitches the box to the drone as it transforms into robot mode.

Kup AI Box: Hey, careful! This is no way to treat your elders, son! What are we doing here anyway?

NickBee: TANKORR!

NickBee and the drone scramble over the debris, expecting to find the one-time general deactivated. Instead, the badly damaged lump of metal and sparking circuits turns with an audible creaking to face NickBee. He cradles Thrust's lifeless form in his only remaining arm. The other one lays nearby.

Kup AI Box: Grimlock! It's about damned time you showed up. Did you bring my pills?

Tankorr Too leans over to his detached arm and throws it at the feet of the BumbleCon. The drone plucks a vial from claws that have already given way to the robotic version of rigor mortis. The drone tosses the entire vial into a receptacle on the side of the box. The image of Kup on the box's monitor visibly relaxes.

Kup AI Box: Oohhh... thank The Maker. That hits the old spot.

NickBee's expression suddenly goes pale.

Kup AI Box: You're looking rather green kid. Here, have some pills...

NickBee: Hey, you know when you were telling me about this human you met?

Kup AI Box: Yeah?

NickBee: Does this guy look like a two-meter tall grayish human prune with metal bits attached haphazardly to various body parts?

Kup AI Box: How did you know?

NickBee: Because he's right behind you getting ready to blow your head off.

The BumbleCon holding Kup jumps out of harm's way. Benny retrains his weapons on Tankorr Too.

Benny: Who are you, impostor?

NickBee: He's Tankorr!

Benny: Try again, bitch! Tankorr was my friend, but he betrayed my sorry ass and shot me with the Key to Vector Sigma and then died! Even if you were him I'd owe you some payback, sucka!

NickBee: Naw, man, he's Tankorr too.

Action Master Bamt: stay your hand.......kiddie.......a great evil is gathering...........this planet must be saved................we all have to work together from now on......................

Benny: What in the hell is this? An Episode 14 reunion? Get out of the way, bitch, I gotta take care of some business! How did you know where to find me anyway, sucka?

Action Master Bamt: i followed the kiddies here..................i can still smell their impure human stink about this place.......................they must have gone to the plasma energy chamber..........................we have to stop them

NickBee: The Plasma Energy chamber? Why do you say that?

Action Master Bamt: because its located directly below this spot.............kiddie................................

Benny: Shee-it, that's one hell of a coincidence.

NickBee: Never mind that. Benny, I found the Last Autobot! We can still save Cybertron!

Benny: <looking at Kup> Bitch, that ain't the Last Autobot. That's just some weakass mental clone!

NickBee: Not him! HIM! <points to Tankorr Too>

Tankorr's head whips around so fast it almost snaps off. He still doesn't speak.

Kup AI Box: Who, Grimlock? He was part of the Great Upgrade! He's been a Maximal longer than you've been pining after Britney Spears cardboard cutouts!

NickBee: Then what--

Kup AI Box: Look, we don't have any time for this! I'm with the flying turkey. The last time humans mucked around with the Plasma Energy Chamber it was bad mojo.

Geever and Crawley walk towards a structure that look's like Enzo Matrix's replacement eye.

Geever: There it is, man, just like they said in Rebirth. Directly below F City, F Province.

Crawley: You're thinking of Excel Saga, dude.

Geever: Whatever. Let's just turn this shit on and get it the hell over with.

Crawley: I'm with you. This second-string thing is starting to bore me.

>Next time in Tales of Cybertron - "The End?"