<Feel Good Sublet of the Summer -- Madison, Wisconsin>

Liz: Where is he?  This isn't like him at all.

Liz fiddles with the pieces of Phil's newest Gundam project, still lying in pieces on the living room table.  She sighs absently as she twirls a large Gundam arm between her fingers.  Becoming bored, she flips on the television.  A news program just so happens to be on.

Dory Dutton: <on TV> I'm here at the University of Wisconsin Engineering Expo, where an hour ago an alleged giant purple robot viciously attacked and kidnapped two people from the courtyard.  Attendees are still stunned by the events that transpired here mere minutes ago, when six more robots showed up and destroyed most of the surrounding buildings.  Remarkably, no one was harmed during the fight, even though entire buildings collapsed and debris and rubble from crumbling edifices smashed into the ground with enough force to make craters in the concrete sidewalks below.  However, these two individuals have been declared missing.

A split screen image pops up on the TV.  On the left is Dr. Onishi cowering behind a counter.  On the right is a video closeup of Phil in the frilly, schoolgirl-like control suit.

Inept Male Newscaster: <on TV> Isn't that the guy who was with Angelina Jolie a couple months ago?

Inept Female Newscaster: <on TV> Oh my GOD, you are so right!

Inept Male Newscaster: <on TV> She is such a skank.

Inept Female Newscaster: <on TV> Oh, totally.

Liz: Oh no!

Scorponok: HUG!

Liz: Shut up!

<Deep Beneath Lake Monona>

...

<Okay, So Lake Monona Isn't Very Deep, But Suspend Disbelief For A Little While, Okay?>

Phil Bond: So, this is your secret underwater base, huh?  I like it, in that creepy sort of Species way.  You design this place yourself?  In that case, you have impeccable taste.

Megatron, sitting upon his ill-shaped throne, observes as Slapper, Gas Skunk, and Dark Scream wheel in the mobile suit mockup.  Phil, still strapped in and wearing the control suit, looks around in slight amazement.  Despite the height of the mockup, Phil has to strain to look up at the giant Predacon.  The odd way the control suit is suspended inside doesn't help much towards that end.

Phil Bond: Could someone let me out of here?  This suit is really starting to ride up...

Megatron doesn't give any indication that he heard anyone speak.  The Predacon Trio leaves, and Phil is alone with their leader.

Phil Bond: You're not going to let me down, are you...

Megatron: Do all humans chatter on as you do?  Despite that I deemed it necessary to retrieve you personally, I find myself growing skeptical of your usefulness.

Phil Bond: I'm completely unconvinced, if that helps you any.

Megatron: Long have I searched for one such as you, but now that you're here my conquest will be complete!

Phil Bond: Conquest?  Oh right, that whole take over the universe thing...  Don't you Megatrons ever learn?  I've never known a Megatron to successfully pull that off.  What makes you think you'll do any better?

Megatron: Unfortunately, your words ring all too true.  <points at Phil> That is why YOU shall teach me!

Phil Bond: I am?  You're going to have to give me a little more incentive if you want me to help you.

Megatron: Incentive?  How do you mean?

Phil Bond: No, see, this is the part where you say something like, "I will spare your puny life, flesh creature.  That is all the incentive you require."

Megatron: <suddenly standing up> By the pit!  That's brilliant!

Phil Bond: It is?

Megatron: The prophecy was true!  Your words encourage me!  Continue!  I must hear more!

Phil Bond: Okay... let me guess.  You're here to steal Earth's energy in your mad quest for power and universal conquest.

Megatron: Nothing so simpleminded!  I'm here to find the Ultimate Cybertronian Weapon in my mad quest for power and universal conquest.

Phil Bond: Fair enough.  I also expect that your enemies -- who have a strange affinity for Earth creatures such as myself -- are here to stop you no matter the cost.  You can't move left or right without them interfering and you're looking for any edge possible no matter how remote or insipid.

Megatron: Remarkable!  You are certainly more than meets the eye.

Phil Bond: Oh geez.  <wincing> Stop, this is painful.

<Somehwere inside the vast network of the Global Space Bridge>

A fire truck with its lone occupant pulls up to a dead end where four construction vehicles of different colors are working on extending the passageway.  Before Koji can say anything, two of them transform and face them.

Koji: Woah!

Grimlock: Lost again, Prime?

Prime: Of course not!  I was just giving our new human friend Koji a tour of the Global Space Bridge.

Koji: For the last three hours!  What about my dad?  For all we know, he could be dead.  We have to go find him!

Prime: It's too late for that now, Koji.  We're going to have to wait until the Predacons strike again before we find out anything about your father.

Koji: When's that going to be?

Prime: Um... how am I supposed to know?

Koji: Well, why can't we go look for them instead of waiting for them to attack?

Prime: Ha ha ha!  You're certainly a strange child!  Don't worry, we'll find your father.  I give you my word as an Autobot.  But first we should go to the base and meet the others.

Build Boy: Aren't you a little too excited about all of this, Optimus?

Prime: Don't be ridiculous!  This is a perfectly normal relationship for a large alien robot from a distant galaxy to have with a young, tender human boy.

Hightower: Fine.  Just don't overdo it, Prime.  Remember what happened to the last one.

The two Build Bots in robot form bow their heads solemnly.

Koji: Happened?  Last one?

Prime: Never mind them, Spike.

Koji: Koji!

Prime: That's what I said.  Anyway, we should head back to the base now...

Heavy Load: Just go back down that way and take a left at the mantle and go a little past Hawaii.  You can't miss it.

Prime:  I know that!  Don't you think I know that?

The other four Autobots stare in silence, watching as Optimus Prime recedes into the distance.

<Moments later -- UW Madison>

Liz stumbles in to what remains of the Engineering building.  Most of the area is cordoned off by police lines.  Panting, Liz sets down her Scorponok toy on the ground. 

Liz: >wheeze!< I shouldn't >wheeze!< have run...

Liz almost collapses, and absently puts her hand on the shoulder of the woman in front of her to keep from falling over.  The woman, haggard whips around.

Kelly: I don't have any money!  Please, I just lost my car, and I'm too young and beautiful to be mugged!

Kelly, not even looking at her accidental accoster, opens her eyes to see Scorponok on the ground.

Scorponok: Hug!

Kelly finally clutches on to the almost completely faint Liz.

Kelly: Oh my goodness, you poor thing!

Liz: Have... >wheeze!< you seen....

Kelly: Oh, you poor dear, don't try to talk. <gently removing Liz's hand from her shoulder> And please be a darling and try not to dig your fingernails into the jacket.  This is imported leather.

<Back at the Predacons' Barely Secret Barely Underwater Base>

Sky-Byte: Lord Megatron!  You have an unusual electro-magnetic ambience emanating  from your optics this evening.

Megatron: Stop sniveling and report!

Sky-Byte: My most illustrious liege!  As you ordered, I have been searching for any indication of The Weapon.  Long have I searched, low on energon, gears ground smooth, with only my thoughts of serving you to keep me going...

Megatron: Your point!

Sky-Byte: No progress to report as of yet, Megatron, however--

Megatron: Enough!  Your platinum tongue will not save you this time.  I have found a more competent creature to serve me now!

Sky-Byte: You... you have?

Megatron motions off to the corner, where two of the Predacons are finally helping Phil down from the Mobile Suit mock-up.

Megatron: Phil Bond!

Sky-Byte: By the Pit!

Megatron: He claims that he has to "go", but once he convinced me he was not attempting escape, I saw no reason not to do as he asked.  He claimed he would "explode" and I do not wish him to suffer damage so soon, especially if it is not by my own hand.  Humans are such odd creatures.  Sky-Byte!  Are you listening?

Sky-Byte: Of course, Mighty Megatron!  I function only to serve you!

Megatron: Good!  See to it that he gets everything he desires!

Megatron returns to his throne and stares off into space.  Sky-Byte watches Phil from the shadows as he is led off to another part of the base.

Sky-Byte: Phil Bond... could it be true?

<The Autobot Base, Underground>

Optimus Prime and Koji walk into the empty base.

Prime: This is Cybertron headquarters, our base of operations.

T-AI's holographic image coalesces next to Koji.  He stares, scared at first, then starts eyeing the hologram salaciously.

Koji: Hello.  Who do we have here?

T-AI: Tai, desu.  Watashi wa--

Optimus Prime: T-AI is the central battle computer.

Koji: <looks at T-AI again> You sure?  She's pretty cute for a computer.

T-AI smiles a meek smile and a holographic sweat drop appears over her pink cap.  She waves at Koji.

Prime: What you're looking at is a holographic representation.  The real T-AI is behind most of that wall behind you.  But that's not really important.  Look at what I can do!

Prime merges with his trailer in a rather impressive animation sequence, complete with multi-colored lines dashing behind him.

Prime: Check it out!

Prime start posing in the background, but Koji isn't watching.  All of his attention is fixed upon this virtual lady.

Koji: <ignoring Prime> Hi there, T-AI.  I'm Koji.  I'm from Tokyo.

T-AI: Hajimemashite.

Koji:  So, what are you doing to-- WOAH!

Koji falls to the floor as he tries to put an arm around T-AI's shoulder so he can lean on her.

T-AI: Baka...

Prime: T-AI, Koji is my new human friend!  You make sure he's comfortable.  I'll call in the rest of the Autobot team to meet him.

Koji: What did you say?

T-AI: Nan de mo nai!

Koji: Did you know that you're cute when you lie?

T-AI: <feigning disbelief> Hontou...

<Megatron's Predacon Base Thingy -- Underneath Lake Monona>

Phil wakes up in a dark and dank room.  Books are piled in one corner, nearby.  Reading one of them is Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: Ah, puny human one!  You are awake!  Megatron will be PLEASED.  And I Sky-Byte shall tell him, and then he will be pleased with ME!  But first, I want to recite for you a nice little poem that goes a little something like this.  I worked on it while you were in that bizarre unconscious state....

Phil Bond: Shit, I was hoping it was a bad dream.

His stomach growls.

Phil Bond: Ugh... man, am I hungry.

Sky-Byte: Ah, yes, I had heard of this human phenomenon.

Sky-Byte opens a sack full of old garbage.

Sky-Byte: This contains all of the carbon-based materials your body requires.

Phil Bond: That's not quite...

Slapper and Gas Skunk barge in before Phil can finish his thought.

Gas Skunk: Megatron has ordered you to come with us.  There is something wrong with the other human.

<Nearby>

Slapper: He's been smelling bad for a while now, and he's starting to look pale and thin...

Phil Bond: <holding his nose> Woah!  That reeks!

Dark Scream: What is wrong with him?

Phil Bond: Well, he might be dead.

Phil and the four Predacons look at the incapacitated form of Dr. Onishi.  If the Precadon's base had flies, they'd be buzzing around the body.  A tall figure walks in behind them.

Megatron: I pray for your sake, Dark Scream, that the human is wrong.

Phil moves in to check Onishi for a pulse.

Phil Bond: Oh good. He's alive.

Dark Scream: Then what's that smell?

Phil Bond: Remember when I told you what humans need to survive?  Food, clothing, and waste disposal?

Slapper: So?

Phil Bond: So, he hasn't been able to relieve himself properly for a long time.

Gas Skunk: He's supposed to do that himself, isn't he?

Phil: He can't if he's been unconscious!

The Pred Trio: Oooooh...

Gas Skunk: Well, this was your fault, Dark Scream.  Clean him up.

Dark Scream: YOU clean him up!

Gas Skunk: No way!

Megatron: <ignoring the din about them> Your peculiar wisdom has saved us again, Phil Bond.  Though his retrieval was accidental, it is fortunate that we do not have to dispose of him.

Phil Bond: An accident?  I thought you were trying to get him and grabbed ME by accident!

Megatron: Him?  Whatever for?

Phil Bond: Well, he's a prominent scientist.  A roboticist.  I just thought that perhaps his knowledge would be useful to you somehow.  That Mobile Suit...

Megatron: That toy?  Ha!  You amuse me, Phil Bond.  However, what I need now is not amusement, but discipline!

Megatron points to the Predacon Trio with his lidless and pupil-less eyes.  The three are scuffling to the point where they almost roll over Dr. Onishi.

Phil Bond: I don't think anything short of Raksha could whip those walking scrap piles into shape.

Megatorn: Raksha... hmmmm...

<Back at Cybertron Base>

Liz: Thanks for the ride.

Kelly: I'm sorry we couldn't find your boyfriend.  What was his name, again?

Liz: Phil.

Kelly: Yeah, Bill.

Liz: No, it's alright.  Thanks for your help.  This isn't the first time he's gone missing...

Kelly: Oh?

Liz doesn't respond.

Kelly: Well, anyway, thank you for taking me to the impound lot.  I would have never thought to look for my car there!  Though it's kind of strange... I could have sworn it wasn't there when I first looked.

A small, unnoticeable bead of sweat forms above the car.  Unnoticed by all but Scorponok, that is.  The little robot perks up.

Kelly: Well, I have to get going!  I'll keep an eye out for your boy.  Ciao!

Liz waves goodbye as Kelly rolls up her car window.  Scorponok won't stop fidgeting.

Liz: Bad Scorponok!  What's gotten into you?

Scorponok: HUG!

The toy leaps out of her arms and clutches to the SUV with its large purple claws.

Liz: Scorponok!  Get back here right this instant!

If Scorponok hears Liz he makes no indication as Kelly drives off into the distance, taking little G1 Scorponok along for the ride.

Liz: You are SO grounded, Mister!

<Inside Megatron's Torso-like Ship>

Phil watches as Raksha screeches at the Predacon Trio, trying hard as they can to stand in line without fidgeting.

Raksha: Stand up straight!  Don't look at your feet!  Optics forward!  Spittor!

Slapper: Slapper!

Raksha: Quit slouching!

Slapper: But I have a hunched back!

Raksha: No excuses!

Slapper: Yes ma'am...

Phil Bond: <to himself> I didn't really think he'd really get Raksha.

Raksha points at Dark Scream and call him Nightglider.

Raksha: I told you to stop slouching!  You call yourselves warriors?  You're pathetic.  Why, if Megatron were here...

Megatron enters the chamber, looking none too pleased.

Raksha: MEGATRON!

Phil and Megatron both appear taken aback at the outburst.  They clench their teeth almost simultaneously.  The small woman approaches Megatron's feet and cranes her neck to look him in the face.

Raksha: These troops of yours are pathetic and weak.  There's nothing I can do for them.

Megatron: I did not bring you here to tell me that which was already quite apparent.

Raksha: You must bolster your ranks with real soldier material!   Immediately!

Megatron: What do you suggest?

Raksha: Though he is a weak, insipid, and perhaps pedophilic fool, Optimus Prime is quite possibly the greatest warrior that has ever lived!  If only we could get close enough to clone him and turn his copy to nobler Decepticon ways...

Megatron: Decepticon?  I like the sound of that.

Raksha: We could easily surround Optimus Prime and force him to come with us.  We'd need to threaten his troops or some humans first, though.  Autobots have a misplaced sense of nobility which--

Phil Bond: No reason to go to all that trouble.

Raksha: Silence, fool!  Your sniveling will not be heard here!

Phil Bond: Whatever, Baroness...

Megatron: Raksha, hold your tongue!  Let him speak!

Phil Bond: You're thinking too much like a bad cartoon villain.  You wasted no time kidnapping her, why not just kidnap Peter Cullen?

A smile slowly spreads across Megatron's face.  He cackles maniacally.

Megatron: Yeeeessssss...!

Everyone stares.

Megatron: <to Phil> How was that?

Phil Bond: Eh, needs a little more bass.

>To be continued